What is usually the hardest for someone going through a breakup is fighting those relentless urges to contact the ex. "I just need some closure. I just need some answers 'why'. I just want to explain to them, plead with them, beg them, show them how I'm sorry. I just want to hear their voice, see their face, and have them see and hear mine. Maybe they'll realize how much they miss me...blah, blah, blah....yadda, yadda, yadda...." Ewww!!!! Those urges are just so annoying. But what drives us to follow through with them? To risk our pride, our dignity, our self-esteem, and self-respect and fall crumbling to our knees to plead with them? What are they, God or something? Geez! We are sorry-sacks aren't we *grins*. But we've all done it. We've all thought about planning 'accidental' meetings, dreamed of chance encounters and hoped for final conversations. We've all come up with emergency reasons to contact our ex–we've conjured up causes, and schemed, plotted, and coerced our friends to arrange it. So why do we do it and how can we cope with them? How do we fight urges that dominate our thinking and interfere with our daily routine?

WHY DO I FEEL SUCH AN OVERWHELMING URGE TO CONTACT MY EX?
Your ex, and the relationship, were very important to you. It's simply an unreasonable request to expect you to just walk away without the urge to regain that importance back in your life! You crave your ex and the relationship–not just because of love, or security, but because it was a habit and habits are addictions...and addictions are fed by cravings. Without the craving there would be no addiction. It's not the object of the addiction that drives us to have to have it, it's the unbearable, never-ending craving for it that motivates us to lose all for the object of our addiction. It's not the plain, simple alcohol itself that drives the alcoholic to drink...it's that relentless craving for it. Why should breaking the love habit be any different? Only this scenario is a little different. We crave them/the relationship, as much as an alcoholic craves alcohol...however, alcohol won't deny itself to the alcoholic, it won't reject the alcoholic's attempt to drink it, it's readily available to him...but the source of our cravings will deny itself to us, therefore making our craving just a little bit more complex. We have to think of ways to manipulate our objects of addiction. Craving itself is not going to satisfy the urge. So now we're like a junkie in the street that will do just about anything to get their cravings met. We lose pride, dignity, self-respect. We trick our minds into believing that we have catastrophes so we have an excuse to reach out to our objects of addictions..."